Eager to earn your dignity as an honored Cum Dumpster? Ready to be made-love-to like a defenseless tube sock? Terrified your days of being dick-smacked in the face are. . . Over? Then Welcome, Vagina Vigilante, to the War on Penis Terror!
“Blessed are the Vaginas, for they will inherit the Shaft.” (Angry Vagina Psalm: 11-33.)
Dear Priestess of the Blessed Vagina,
As you know, we have a fuzzy supernatural being in our lives. She excretes Holy Wine, begs you for Carbs of Christ, and commands you to perform penance for wrongdoings by giving her “Hail Vagina” massages. Such is the nature of the Holy One, known to Thee as Angry V.
PUBLIC SERVICE DISCLAIMER TO ALL DISGRUNTLED "PENIS CUSTODIANS":
Dear Mr. DNA Dispenser,
Due to Angry-Lonely-Penis backlash to previous entries on "The Adventures of Angry Vagina", Angry V is compelled to remind you that she will not be contained. She gives no shits about 'fitting inside your box'.
Once upon a time, right about now, there is a legendary hero and her name is Angry Vagina. Like any self-respecting and noble Cave of Wonders, Angry V has always done her part to inspire cravings for salt, stockpile jewelry, and hide money. But it was never enough.
Why am I really here? She wonders, stroking herself thoughtfully.
@juliette_frette "Sometimes it’s better to go fuck yourself." - Maya Angelou. ✍️
"Men I’d Like to F*ck! (Better Read on in Case It’s You, Guy-at-the-Office)"
👉ARTICLE IN NATIONAL LAMPOON!
📲CLICK LINK IN BIO
(New edition in @nationallampoon! First edition in @huffingtonpost Comedy and @huffpostentertainment. Current photo meme by @fabulous_femmes)
"Email Subject: URGENT!!
! Me is a representativ from the centraL bank of Vagina. Yiu is in debt to our trustees. Pleaze remit payment here: firstname.lastname@example.org" 💸 #READ "Men I’d Like to F*ck! (Better Read on in Case It’s You, Guy-at-the-Office)" 👉 Now Available in @nationallampoon! 📲CLICK LINK IN BIO 📬 #NaughtyFeminist #Comedy #Dating #Satire #Celebrities #Stalker #PenisNames @joemanganiello @samheughan @thatzovatt (First edition in @huffingtonpost comedy and @huffpostentertainment)
"Enemy Combatants known as 'Penis Custodians' will be enslaved in the Battle of Some Guy’s Bulge." ⛓ #NewArticle @nationallampoon 🥀 "THE WAR ON PENIS TERROR: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 5)" ⚙️ SEE LINK IN BIO ⚙️ #AngryV #PenisTerror #UltimateDummie #DNADispenser #PenisCustodian #MushroomHeadOwner #ShaftCombatant #MilitaryIndustrialPenis #LadyBoner #VaginaSoldier #VaginaVigilante #NaughtyFeminist #MeanWriter #Dating #Comedy #Satire 🏹 (Photo avatar credit: Stan Mchale)
(Transmission to Angry V’s Warship Armada of strategically good-looking Vagina Soldiers.) “Intelligence compromised at the Department of Vagina Defense. We’re going down by the head! Like Skynet, Double Agent Lady Boner has become self-aware and undermined Operations. Target Terrorist Dummie on Instagram. Post duck face selfies to lure him from hiding. FIRE AT WILL!!!” 💣 #Join "THE WAR ON PENIS TERROR!" 👉 #READ "Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 5)" 🎯#CLICK LINK IN BIO #NewArticle in @huffingtonpost & @nationallampoon 🇱🇷 #AngryV #PenisTerror #UltimateDummie #DNADispenser #PenisCustodian #MushroomHeadOwner #ShaftCombatant #MilitaryIndustrialPenis #LadyBoner #VaginaSoldier #VaginaVigilante #NaughtyFeminist #MeanWriter #Dating #Comedy #Satire 🏳 (Photo avatar credit: Stan Mchale)