“Blessed are the Vaginas, for they will inherit the Shaft.” (Angry Vagina Psalm: 11-33.)
Dear Priestess of the Blessed Vagina,
As you know, we have a fuzzy supernatural being in our lives. She excretes Holy Wine, begs you for Carbs of Christ, and commands you to perform penance for wrongdoings by giving her “Hail Vagina” massages. Such is the nature of the Holy One, known to Thee as Angry V.
PUBLIC SERVICE DISCLAIMER TO ALL DISGRUNTLED "PENIS CUSTODIANS":
Dear Mr. DNA Dispenser,
Due to Angry-Lonely-Penis backlash to previous entries on "The Adventures of Angry Vagina", Angry V is compelled to remind you that she will not be contained. She gives no shits about 'fitting inside your box'.
Once upon a time, right about now, there is a legendary hero and her name is Angry Vagina. Like any self-respecting and noble Cave of Wonders, Angry V has always done her part to inspire cravings for salt, stockpile jewelry, and hide money. But it was never enough.
Why am I really here? She wonders, stroking herself thoughtfully.
Let me tell you a tale of a close friend of mine named Angry Vagina. One sexually frustrated day, she decides to join a mobile dating app against her better judgment. Dared to participate by a Penis Custodian friend of hers (technically not bangable because of “nobody’s fucking business”) she is unable to resist the challenge and so opens herself widely and blissfully to the possibilities.
"If good-looking Penis Custodian profile rises up like boner, softly stroke...err...swipe 'Right'." 👉 https://t.co/jjjLLcU9mR
👉Like Dr. Evil but with the wrong finger #MeanWriter #KickedOut #OfPubicEstablishment #BackInAirbnb #WithKitteh 😾
"If good-looking Penis Custodian profile rises up like boner, softly stroke . . . err . . . swipe 'Right'." (All of a sudden Angry Vagina receives a blazing match notification. Cheerfully, she navigates to see who is first to be tortured.) "Yay! Close-up skin shot. Always wanted to see a guy squirt . . . from his pimple." #READ 👉 "How to be a Dick Without Having One: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 3)" 👉Now available in @nationallampoon (See front page of nationallampoon.com CLICK HERE ➡️ @nationallampoon)
#AngryV #NaughtyFeminist #MeanWriter #BeingADick #Dating #Comedy #Satire 🔥🕷🔥🕷🔥
"What indeed, does it take to get a dick in this town?" 🤔 👉"Censored Sexy Pics: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part2)" 👉Now available in @nationallampoon (See front page of nationallampoon.com CLICK HERE ➡️ @nationallampoon )
#AngryV #NaughtyFeminist #MeanWriter #Censored #Dating #Satire 🔥🔥🔥
🔥 Ever wished you had the #luxury of ME lighting your house on #fire? 🔥 Here's how! (Yo I'm on a lighter!! You can light other things on fire with me too!) #Sailor #Pinup by @oliviapinupart • #Model = Yours Truly 😘 GET IT HERE 👉 @oliviapinupart (see her store in her bio) • fire-starting #collectible #lighter by @originalzippo