The Adventures of Agent Vagina and the Secret Cervix

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The Adventures of Agent Vagina and the Secret Cervix

Setting:

A clandestine office in a high tower. Original art pieces of giant pink flowers decorate all four walls. To the left of the door, a rainbow statue of a female torso with sharp nipples stands sentinel, greeting all who enter. The Grandmaster now hunches in the center of the room, head nearly buried between the stirrups in which Agent Vagina is performing a typical spread eagle, thighs semi-clad with a perfunctory white sheet. Coldfinger now pokes and inspects Agent V’s hairy exterior with a tiny metal shaft. Pausing and peering above the sheet to examine her direct report’s silent cringe, she speaks with little emotion. “You might as well close your eyes and think of Asian porn, Agent Double-O-Face.”

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Exorcising the Penis Demons: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 4)

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Exorcising the Penis Demons: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 4)

“Blessed are the Vaginas, for they will inherit the Shaft.” (Angry Vagina Psalm: 11-33.)

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Dear Priestess of the Blessed Vagina,

As you know, we have a fuzzy supernatural being in our lives. She excretes Holy Wine, begs you for Carbs of Christ, and commands you to perform penance for wrongdoings by giving her “Hail Vagina” massages. Such is the nature of the Holy One, known to Thee as Angry V.

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Censored Sexy Pics: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 2)

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Censored Sexy Pics: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 2)

Once upon a time, right about now, there is a legendary hero and her name is Angry Vagina. Like any self-respecting and noble Cave of Wonders, Angry V has always done her part to inspire cravings for salt, stockpile jewelry, and hide money. But it was never enough.

Why am I really here? She wonders, stroking herself thoughtfully.

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The Adventures of Angry Vagina and Her Dating App

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The Adventures of Angry Vagina and Her Dating App

Let me tell you a tale of a close friend of mine named Angry Vagina. One sexually frustrated day, she decides to join a mobile dating app against her better judgment. Dared to participate by a Penis Custodian friend of hers (technically not bangable because of “nobody’s fucking business”) she is unable to resist the challenge and so opens herself widely and blissfully to the possibilities.

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